Oops you wanted fulfillment and feeling of happiness? Best I can do is existential dread and a pizza party

But how long did they take care of themselves? Exercise took months for me to feel any benefits and even then it was small at first. It was the same with cutting added sugar and caffeine. Then one day I realized I felt worse if I didn’t walk or work out and that I felt shitty after that coke. The transition into feeling good was so slow that it’s easy to miss if you don’t stay consistent. It took me decades to understand all that because I was looking for a quick medication like fix.

The worst part of the whole thing is when you get over the hump you get kicked out and labeled a phoney because some people make depression and misery a competition.

I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.