Red Lobster executives:
“No one could possibly eat that much shrimp.”
Later…
“I’m sorry, sir. You’ve eaten every shrimp at every Red Lobster in the entire state and it’s only been six hours. We don’t have any more shrimp for you. That will be $20.”
Did a thing like that in my 20s. Got stoned with my best friend and gf, hit the local seafood joint.
Coming back to the table with my 5th plate of shrimp and my friend heard a man tell his wife, “Well it is all you can eat. He can do that if he wants.”
One week later and they were out of business.
Does this look like a man who’s had all he could eat?
Oh not again!
2003’s “Endless Crab” wiped out 1 president and $400 million in shareholder value… you’d‘ve thought they’d’ve learn’ed’ve.
The next executive will convince somebody it’s just a matter of time until they hit on the correct endless shellfish, then resign in disgrace after the endless clam promotion costs too much.
…All you can eat krill?
Unlimited shrimp is a misnomer as matter is finite. Even if all matter were converted to shrimp, it still wouldn’t be truly unlimited.
Yay for needless pedantry.
The infinitely dense Red Lobster will always allow you to visit, but its event horizon won’t let you leave
I disagree with your conjecture.
Indeed, matter is finite. However, you are making the assumption that eating shrimp destroys the matter. In fact, eating the shrimp simply returns the matter to the ecosystem, where it will eventually contribute to more shrimp.
Unless you can prove the eventual heat death of the universe, which Red Lobster™ is prepared to fight in court.
Signed, Red Lobster Legal Division
P.S.: If you even think about trying to make Cheddar Bay Biscuits™ using one of those online recipes, we will pursue legal action. We make Nintendo look like Linus Torvalds.
They will just have to start converting energy to matter, otherwise it’s false advertising and I’ll sue!
Only death is unlimited
What about- stay with me here- what about creating dark energy shrimp?
yeah god fucking forbid anything be good and actually valuable for the customer anymore
